February 2012
Death is an ever looming presence.
Death is not something that the dead will have to experience, but rather what the living will have to endure.
Death is something that you don’t think about until it’s creepin’ closer to you or a loved one.
Death can shake the foundation of the strongest, most well built structures.
An episode of Friday Night Lights made me think about this. His pops died. And he just talks about how much he hates his dad and what not. (S:4 E:5)
The point i’m attempting to make is that, i don’t think i’m strong enough to take death. Anyone’s death. Not my grandparent’s, my parent’s, my sibling’s, my family’s, or any of my friend’s.
This Saturday we’re goin’ to have a going away “party” for one of my uncles. He’s not really an uncle but i call everyone that so fuck it. He’s going back to Mexico to be with his family and to give his brother a kidney. It’ll be his brother’s second kidney transplant ever. Now, my uncle, is a man i’ve grown to love. I will miss the shit out of him, and i understand that he is doin’ what he has to for his own family. The fact of the matter is that, all I can think about is what might happen to him.
What might happen to him.
So, this saturday i will likely be saying,”good bye”, to someone for the first time, knowing that i will likely never see that person again. Forever. I can’t stop bawlin’ and it’s barely tuesday. I haven’t even had to deal with sayin’ goodbye to his face. I can’t take it.
Am I weak? Is askin’ for support from you wonderful bastards who don’t know me from a stranger, wrong? Do grown fuckin’ men cry this much?
